tired vs. weary

Ever have that tired at the end of the day where it is so good that you have completely spent yourself. That's the end of today.

You see, at the end of many days I find myself tired of just being. Spent on things that make me "feel like too little butter spread over too much bread," as Bilbo would say. Who knows what has been accomplished, if anything. It is that kind of tired that is really best described as weary. I am fatigued by life and my efforts.

However, there is another tired that is good and satisfying. It is the tired of a day spent doing not only your best, but being dependent on the grace of God to do what is impossible in your own effort. Now when I say that I have done my best, I do not mean that I have done it all right. In fact, quite the opposite. It means for me that I have readily admitted that I am not able to do what I am facing in my own effort. Whether that's facing the challenge of dealing with hurting teenagers in my job, or coming home to a daughter who was supposed to be asleep an hour and a half ago after a late night of work. In both situations I do not know the answer. I do not have the wisdom or power able to change the circumstance, so I am dependent on God's grace to be sufficient and sustain me. In these moments there is the temptation to try what worked last time. While there may be some wisdom there, life does not work with cookie-cutter answers.

Today I find myself spent after a day of interruptions, changes, challenges, and just plain a lot of work. As I survey the day I find that it was a day spent dependent on God for the next moment. At in that, I worked hard, am tired, and am satisfied.